Totally not gay first off, nothing into the butt (and nothing out!)

To begin lick your hand (or lube up.) When using saliva I lick Each finger, then my palm, then my thumb and lastly, the side of my index finger facing up (when I stroke,) the sides of my thumb (up and down,) and the side of my hand that will be facing down.

With my entire hand lubed, I grab hold of myself (mentally and physically) and go up with my hand (around the head) and at the same time twist my hand at about a 80-100* angle to the right (my thumb goes right and I am a righty.) Then when you go back down, twist your hand in the opposite direction (90* or so.)

Repeat this at a Medium-Quick pace until ready to cum. At the last minute, begin jacking very fast.

Don't be sparing with the saliva as the less you have the more chances of painful friction are available. Don't over-do it though because it can get sloppy and doesn't feel too good. This also works best with thicker spit. NOT MUCOUSSY, JUST NOT WATERY.

This is my personal favorite and can be slow starting and risky (friction) for new-cummers and can also require plenty of relubing but once you get more experienced you can get a strong orgasm in under 2 minutes (I last a 1/2hour or more in sex) with no relubing or painful friction. No tools, fast and best of all, it makes you jizz!

P.S. Sorry for destroying the English language in that post... I tried =) !